"To see a thing uncolored by one's own personal preferences and desires is to see it in it's own pristine simplicity" ~Bruce Lee

A dear friend recently asked me how i came into the wisdom and insight that i now posess. The following is what I shared with her. But I think anyone could find this helpful and enlightening. I remember back  to when I first found yoga, God and myself again through it all. Or yoga found me as I wandered broken, alone and afraid. But awakening at last and open to what life held for me in the summer of 2007. As my old 'life' ended and i moved from 'why me?' to 'hell yes!' to a fuller life!


As the downward spiral continued. But you know something, it was a time of liberation for me...and believe me, it was long overdue!!! Is that bad? Calling divorce for example liberation? Not really, im not saying it out of spite. It was simply inevitable and freeing for me, not to be part of a parody if you will. Cant live half alive (at most) living a lie so yah, it was all good! And by that time, it was simply too much anyway, far too much...too much pain, too much regret, too many broken promises and vows, too many knives in my back, too many sleepless nights, soaked in my tears like a baptism of my pain. Too many thorns in my heart, feeling pain as a thousand needles swimming in my stomach. Too many moments of cursing her and the day I met her. And for how long could I participate in the insanity, her insanity? The price was pain consuming my soul..so I wanted it back , I wanted to live!! I wanted to be accepted, to love myself again, to be free of all the lies and bullshit cause I felt neck deep in it. To be secure in myself and happy, content. I just came to realize that I was on a very different path from her. And ironically enough, the closer I got to being finally at peace and feeling at one with spirit that I simply grew farther from her and from my former church! Wich doesnt mean I just gave up, cause she divorced me. But the point is I finally learned to not be so much obsessed with appearances, what others thought, what the church said and what she did...but to simply be broken open into newfound awareness.

"If you are not willing, you cannot open. Become willing and all possibility unfolds before you." ~Baron Baptiste

Yup, a new open willingness came to be through sober revelation and clarity of mind and purpose and it was refreshing far beyond word's...ya feel me? I found the beauty that lay within me, a new path. and I was feared and resented for it! I came to see how I was content to step out of my comfort zones(misery) and think outside the box.. and I came to see how threatend she was by it and how much she resented that!! I paid a heavy price for my self discovery, self love and joy in life...and it was actually totally worth it! I would'nt trade it for ANYTHING!! Just like the hell I went through shaped me into someone capable of writing this. Healing you and other's with my word's and my compassion. The long road is also the hardest and yet the most rewarding.

It can never be good if one does not stay true to themself and say enough is enough when it is. I had finally reached my breaking point in my marriage and my life..sometimes you need such a wake up call that you need to be shattered awake! To come to realize that it's not a punishment (as much as it hurt's) cause being broken test's and reveal's us to ourselve's in a way NOTHING else can! And we are never the same afterward's, changing, growing and expanding for the better. But it can be hard because one day or one moment you're living (happily or not) and then the life you're used to is gone! You find yourself on your knees and you look up...and suddenly, everything seem's to have changed. It feel's like being abducted in a way, to another place and time. But also safely carried through divine intervention to a better place, a better life.

As I was, before the breaking of my world. This is my destiny. Knowing fully it's not what your past did to you but what you do NOW that counts. When you simply, patiently let life unfold before you and surrender 'my way' you then see things as they really are, not as you wish they were. Thus becoming present to what you can change. Letting go of self limiting beliefs and what no longer serves you. Then you understand awakening. I call myself a peaceful warrior cause the battles on the inside, for peace, love and happiness. Not through the vanity of ego but through self realization.

But then I was finally at a place to question and find the answer's about my life, my core values, my belief's, my relationship's, faith, the meaning of life..I had finally arrived from denial into awakening, and I have'nt looked back! To find courage to inevitably face the difficult but liberating truth: that is ok to lose whats familiar cause something far better will come along. Its okay to let go of whats familiar cause we will find something thats worth truly holding onto. That its okay to hurt and dissapoint others if that means making peace with God and ourselves. At the end of the day you are the only one that will have to live forever with the choices you make, good or bad. That its okay to let go of things we cant even name sometimes.

And quite often though as I sit there on my yoga mat in quiet introspection I find a way to own and name my pain that's been there for year's, lingering. Then I open up my body more in my practice and the pain leaves on it's own. Because miraculously thing's are seen in their own simplicity and enlightenment comes when you stop chasing it, thus bringing healing and hope.

So I ask you beloved, where do you want to go in life today? Do you need to find courage to let go of dead weight and start your own personal revolution ? Have faith and never give up! I know you have it in you and Im right there with you....be blessed!

Namaste