I think for many of us one of the biggest obstcles we face in life is what we hold onto that is limiting and unhealthy. Coming to a point where everything we believed about a marriage, a career, a belief system etc. is revealed to be misleading and/ or harmful can cause us to come apart and feel like our world is ending. I myself have felt the pain and dissapointment this causes, but ive learned not to run away from such ardous conditions, but to embrace them.
Thats because ive known the irreplacable value that this can bring, a chance to learn more about myself and to expand and grow. Like finding a rare and beautiful flower that only grows in the worst conditions, so does life grant us such chances to see rare beauty within ourselves. If only we are willing to look past our pain will we have valuable and personal revelation. This is when we become connected with our inner wisdom.
I see my life like a seed pod, the shell comes apart so something new to emerge, but only through death. Dying to my ambitions and desires, surrendering to what i thought my life was. When the empty shell is split open, then real beauty and light shines forth, like a diamond in the rough. Im learning to surrender what i thought my life is 'susposed' to be, so that i can shine. I observed the sunshine today as a reminder of renewal, a source of warmth in the frigid cold. This reminds me that spring seems so far off, but its coming!
Im planting new seeds now so that i can enjoy the renewal of spring in my life, the refreshing that will come. The patience that yoga has taught me is quite relevant here, each time on my mat is a chance to enjoy the present AND to leave a better foundation for tomorrows practice. There is nothing phony in my practice, no room for my vain ambitions. These things only serve to block our awareness of the moment, taking our focus off the breath and hindering concentration.
Dying to expectations about my life and my practice opens up my heart to receive revival and redemption. My spiritual, emotional and physical 'houses' are all part of the same temple and need to be swept clean. The metaphorical garbage needs to go, even when its painful.
So often we listen to the gurus and experts that change comes through problem based thinking, while this can help sometimes, i think we need TRUTH based thinking to enjoy life fully.
Yet, truth based thinking can be much harder to embrace becauce it requires meekness on our parts, an admission that we are lost without wisdom and there is no real strength found in stubborness. This is why Christ said the truth shall set us free. He spoke of the kind of truth that was, and still is revolutionary. He is the ultimate example of meekness, being strength wrapped in humility. He did not come to be served, but to serve. Humbling Himself and walking among us, so that He could relate to our human frailty.
When we simply surrender in meeknes, admitting that underneath our fascades we are truly lost then life truly begins. We lose our pride and self pity, finding strength in love and compassion. This is the kind of revolution that can change our inner worlds, and one anothers for the better. Yoga has helped me know the true sense of grounding, a place where i can be vulnerable and strong at the same time and that those two forces are actually in harmony, not in contention.
I think thats why i am being led through a period of suffering and adversity right now, so that my pain can become a catalyst for change. Love often grows from pain when we have the discernment to know it. Bringing a love that can endure. To not only guide me, but so that i can pour it into others lives. So on that note, i offer these words to you in love and compassion. Im praying for all of you and all of you that are reading this have my undying grattitude. Agape, Brad
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Carrying dead weight?
" I know what i want and i know where im going. I dont need you telling you me who you want me to be, i can be what ive been created to be. This is my time, my carpe diem. I will find purpose and meaning in this short life ive been gifted with. I can no longer wait for your approval to do what i must do. Im not lost, i simply seek the truth for myself"
When the word addiction is used people often think of things like drugs, alcohol, sex etc. But how many of us suffer from what i like to call, approval addiction? Were always looking to other people for the answers, so afraid that we might do or say something that they wont like. (Dont get me wrong, having integrity and being accountable for our actions to others is important.) What im talking about is a compulsive, almost obsessive attachment to others opinions. This is something that has caused me a great deal of pain and frustration in my life, because i always felt like i had to gain others approval by performing for them.
This is why we must learn to simply let go of dead weight like this, attachments like this truly cause us misery and dissapointment. We must step forward in life, not in arrogance but boldness. There comes a point of surendering to divine providence for our lives, then clarity comes when its known that we dont have to perform in order to be loved and accepted.
Thats what i love about yoga, were all accepted in the classroom exactly the way we are, but were all encouraged to go farther, beyond our limitations. Personally ive learned to be content with my practice while at the same time always playing my edge, always hungry for more. This is how breakthroughs are achieved, when strength meets peace, when endurance meets joy.
This is where the dead weight of addictions can be left behind, where thay belong. Yoga, like life is a journey in wich the joy is found along the way, not in the destination. Find peace and joy today as you wander because not all who wander are lost.
When the word addiction is used people often think of things like drugs, alcohol, sex etc. But how many of us suffer from what i like to call, approval addiction? Were always looking to other people for the answers, so afraid that we might do or say something that they wont like. (Dont get me wrong, having integrity and being accountable for our actions to others is important.) What im talking about is a compulsive, almost obsessive attachment to others opinions. This is something that has caused me a great deal of pain and frustration in my life, because i always felt like i had to gain others approval by performing for them.
This is why we must learn to simply let go of dead weight like this, attachments like this truly cause us misery and dissapointment. We must step forward in life, not in arrogance but boldness. There comes a point of surendering to divine providence for our lives, then clarity comes when its known that we dont have to perform in order to be loved and accepted.
Thats what i love about yoga, were all accepted in the classroom exactly the way we are, but were all encouraged to go farther, beyond our limitations. Personally ive learned to be content with my practice while at the same time always playing my edge, always hungry for more. This is how breakthroughs are achieved, when strength meets peace, when endurance meets joy.
This is where the dead weight of addictions can be left behind, where thay belong. Yoga, like life is a journey in wich the joy is found along the way, not in the destination. Find peace and joy today as you wander because not all who wander are lost.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
A painful but awakening experience
I am upon the edge of death into something new, a journey through this dead valley into a living future. But i do not see myself as being a slave of whatever hardship life throws at me. Suffering is often all about perspective, for some people they think a divorce is in many ways, the end of there life. But i see divorce as being much like death, its just a transition into something better. Life offers us beauty, but it often comes out of ashes. I see my life upon the brazen altar of Gods grace, for that is the only place i desire to be, the place where calamity meets unyielding, transforming love. The only refuge i really want is found there, where my pain is redeemed into beauty. That is how i finally find clarity, to find the courage to face difficulty, to keep moving forward into life.
There comes moments of revelation for me, both in my prayer life and on my yoga mat. That space where i see just how far ive come. Just like my yoga practice, the most valuable things in life dont come through quick, easy solutions.They are attained through focused determination and disciplined dedication to truths greater than ourselves. Not for the sake of our selfish ambition, but so we can share with others that are, or have been traumitized, while also learning how to give more freely to ourselves.
Ive learned alot recently about what doesnt serve, or help me. Meaning that ive had my eyes opened about letting go of attachments that only caused me misery. Ive had to not only let go of my Ex-wife, but also other relationships that severely hindered my emotional and spiritual health. There were people that i depended upon that betrayed my trust, others with authority over me. I dont bring this up because of spite or anger, but because a valuable lesson can be learned here. We should never let the voice of others drown out our intuition by putting too much stock in what they say. People always wants to tell you whats good for you, they dont want you to find your own answers. We should not give up our self empowerment in order to please others, this gives others a power only God should have. I think thats what hurts most about my divorce, others who claim to speak with great 'wisdom' that dont have the slightest clue about what i knew, deep down in my spirit was the right thing to do. I couldnt with a clear conscience stay in these abusive relationships, no matter what others said.
I never force myself into yoga poses, my body opens naturally. In fact, the greatest physical and emotional awakenings ive had on my mat was when i simply surrendered to the process and let go. I simply started to become clear in heart and mind. But just like life, its a process.
What does true courage look like? I think when we look within ourselves and act with boldness, no matter how meager it may seem, that is courage visible.
There comes moments of revelation for me, both in my prayer life and on my yoga mat. That space where i see just how far ive come. Just like my yoga practice, the most valuable things in life dont come through quick, easy solutions.They are attained through focused determination and disciplined dedication to truths greater than ourselves. Not for the sake of our selfish ambition, but so we can share with others that are, or have been traumitized, while also learning how to give more freely to ourselves.
Ive learned alot recently about what doesnt serve, or help me. Meaning that ive had my eyes opened about letting go of attachments that only caused me misery. Ive had to not only let go of my Ex-wife, but also other relationships that severely hindered my emotional and spiritual health. There were people that i depended upon that betrayed my trust, others with authority over me. I dont bring this up because of spite or anger, but because a valuable lesson can be learned here. We should never let the voice of others drown out our intuition by putting too much stock in what they say. People always wants to tell you whats good for you, they dont want you to find your own answers. We should not give up our self empowerment in order to please others, this gives others a power only God should have. I think thats what hurts most about my divorce, others who claim to speak with great 'wisdom' that dont have the slightest clue about what i knew, deep down in my spirit was the right thing to do. I couldnt with a clear conscience stay in these abusive relationships, no matter what others said.
I never force myself into yoga poses, my body opens naturally. In fact, the greatest physical and emotional awakenings ive had on my mat was when i simply surrendered to the process and let go. I simply started to become clear in heart and mind. But just like life, its a process.
What does true courage look like? I think when we look within ourselves and act with boldness, no matter how meager it may seem, that is courage visible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)